dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
