I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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