Do you still have your period?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
