My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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