Umm I'm too high to move.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
