I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
