they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
