Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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