Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
