Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
