he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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