He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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