Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
