well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you traded sex for a burrito?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
