so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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