if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
