No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
