What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
