Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So squirting runs in the family.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
