I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
