found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
