I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You made out with two different species that night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
