She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
