These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
