i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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