I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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