the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
