it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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