It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
