i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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