you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
