Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
