dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You know, be my cock's hype man.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
