Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
