the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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