so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
