I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
