its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
