I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize