This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and she was petting her beer can
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
