Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
