I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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