I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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