Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
