the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
