You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
