that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
