I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
