first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I could fuck to npr.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
