I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
