Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
