If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
